You would think, given that I'm half-Ghanaian, that I would be fine at funerals. After all, aside from football, azonto and kente, funerals are our most recognisable traits. We love them so much we mark more landmarks after a person's death than a lovesick teenage girl does of her first 'relationship'. Sadly for me, I'm not very Ghanaian when it comes to funerals or the passing away of friends.
Today I had to go to a funeral and I found myself crumbling. Once the tears started flowing they just wouldn't stop and as I looked to other people around me, it seemed that they were handling it better. I think the frustration at feeling like I wasn't handling it as I should made me even more upset. Woohoo for emotions. :/
Before today I had been trying to find famous quotes and scriptures from the Bible that would help me deal with losing someone younger than me. They're funny things, words. They can embed into some times and be so alien to you at other times. You know when your a kid and an older kid pulls rank based on age to tell you what to do and your trump card is "yeh well at least I'll live longer than you". Yeh, well as you get older your brain knows that isn't true, but your heart is dedicated to that mantra. So I know that God calls us all when he sees fit, but when the person is younger it just feels like the whole world of nature is flipped on its head. Words of comfort become alien, it all seems unfair because my heart is still very much dedicated to that mantra.
It all takes time, I guess. It took 3 days before I could think about my friend and not be drawn to tears but even after 3 weeks I'm still not as strong as I thought I would be. I just look back on almost 6 years of friendship and thank God for time. Time with him, time with others, and for we who believe in heaven, time with Christ.
Today I had to go to a funeral and I found myself crumbling. Once the tears started flowing they just wouldn't stop and as I looked to other people around me, it seemed that they were handling it better. I think the frustration at feeling like I wasn't handling it as I should made me even more upset. Woohoo for emotions. :/
Before today I had been trying to find famous quotes and scriptures from the Bible that would help me deal with losing someone younger than me. They're funny things, words. They can embed into some times and be so alien to you at other times. You know when your a kid and an older kid pulls rank based on age to tell you what to do and your trump card is "yeh well at least I'll live longer than you". Yeh, well as you get older your brain knows that isn't true, but your heart is dedicated to that mantra. So I know that God calls us all when he sees fit, but when the person is younger it just feels like the whole world of nature is flipped on its head. Words of comfort become alien, it all seems unfair because my heart is still very much dedicated to that mantra.
It all takes time, I guess. It took 3 days before I could think about my friend and not be drawn to tears but even after 3 weeks I'm still not as strong as I thought I would be. I just look back on almost 6 years of friendship and thank God for time. Time with him, time with others, and for we who believe in heaven, time with Christ.
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